"don't do anything you haven't done before, and don't do half the things you have done. basically just don't do anything stupid."

i can't say it anymore.

need to be on that plane. need to be on that plane. need to be on that plane.

double the homes, half the time, quadruple the stress

half past two

there's something about half past two in the morning and last night in that moment that put everything in the right perspective.

not being able to complete this thought at half past two last night makes it even more so.

"once you do something, you never forget. even if you don't remember."

-miyazaki

heroes

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110401/ts_yblog_thelookout/japan-nuke-workers-have-committed-themselves-to-die-if-necessary

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110405/ts_yblog_thelookout/japanese-nuclear-plant-worker-discusses-choice-to-sacrifice-his-life

fukushima fifty.

"atomic samurai"

pray.

there's something about an hour long, three plus mile walk in cool spring late evening air with the lightest possible, yet consistent drizzle of rain, and talking about life with one of my best guys, g.k., that puts me at peace.

i could die with a smile right now.

"aren't I going to be me?"

and my favorite.

abundance of tears.

words mean nothing, sometimes

second most favorite movie, ever.

a love story placed with an underlying environmental message sans-dialogue. that opening sequence is my favorite. perfection.

what i do with my first and only free saturday in the first three and a half months of the year

"...let me tell you something I've never told a soul. my grandmother...she said that each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves...we need oxygen and a candle to help. in this case, the oxygen, for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle could be any kind of food, music, caress, word, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. for a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. a pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. that fire, in short, is its food. if one doesn't find out in time what will set off these explosions, the box of matches dampens, and not a single match will ever be lighted.

---

that's why it's important to keep your distance from people who have frigid breath. just their presence can put out the most intense fire.

---

there are many ways to dry out a box of damp matches.

---

you must of course take care to light the matches one at a time. if a powerful emotion should ignite them all at once they would produce a splendor so dazzling that it would illuminate far beyond what we can normally see; and then a brilliant tunnel would appear before our eyes, revealing the path we forgot the moment we were born...the soul ever longs to return to the place from which it came, leaving the body lifeless."

-l. esquivel

reactionary

dance with the one that brung you?

there's going to be a breaking point. where the sky falls and the burj khalifa crumbles and another october '29 burns and crashes.

we watched this video the other day, about the roaring twenties and depressed thirties. i think i was one of the few actually watching, and one of the fewer who was incredibly interested.

i feel like my roaring twenties are over. or at least, for a while. i want to find it again, and stroll down my own broadway whistling gershwin, but it will be hard. or maybe it will roll in unexpectedly. or maybe i'll be stuck on the middle ground as the domestic schism barely grows each wailing morning. i wish the wailing was of louis. that'd be sunny.

i was going to end this post with "i've lost hope in 2011", but i don't know how i feel about that now. hope is hard to lose, and it's harder to abandon the notion. but maybe i have, and i'm too nervous. maybe.