"I held hands with her all the time, for instance. That doesn't sound like much, I realize, but she was terrific to hold hands with. Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddam hand dies on you, or else they think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you or something. [She] was different. We'd get into a goddam movie or something, and right away we'd start holding hands, and we wouldn't quit till the movie was over. And without changing the position or making a big deal out of it. You never even worried...whether your hand was sweaty or not. All you knew was, you were happy. You really were."

-j.d. salinger

i hate you, time

i hate you like how

i wake up in the crusts of

five week old arizona iced tea and

crumpled, sour

string cheese wrappers

at thirteen 'til two with

two angels in an early morning

devil masquerade belting out

an architectural colossus of

a capellas about freedom and hymns

of artillery shells fireworking underneath

astroturf and boxerbriefs

shoved somewhere between time in the

sixty-second dimension and

the burning LEDs of sunless

early morning blankets

of bon iver and grumbling transmissions

talk about a blur, bring me back

pchs marching band '10

e. lopez photography

cleaning out my text message inbox

there's still some i can't remove

and the ones that i've balled up to select

had me cringing when i pressed "delete"

like peroxide on a picked scab

don't want this infection

(or do i?)

high-definition memories

and now i won't be able to sleep

amnesia is the key to happiness

or maybe just peace of mind

saudade

final

syncopation

these were the shots that

never existed, but

were still heard 'round the world

the bellowing of beautiful melodies

stealing hearts,

syncopated beating

secretly accenting the show

rose brass harmonies

perfect fifths,

dominant sevenths

the hands are shaking,

stirring the dusty

chemically saturated air,

feebly supporting

golden-hued laughter and

red tinted silences

now there's

linear, yet

curved fingers around

worn black oak armrests,

previously gripped when

lacking a loved ones hand

***

i wrote this for my english final last semester, we were to go through a whole semester's worth of writing for our favorite quotes, then we had to make a patchwork composition of small chunks of those quotes, a poem of sort. probably my first and last final that i'll enjoy doing.

my way

if only money weren't important and i could chase music and do it my way.

dreams are dreams for a reason.

post-

i'm stuck in a post-seattle hangover

because that was the closest i felt to 2010 in so long

even though those few april days were still

clouded over in bittersweet aftertaste

in between the pockets of patched seattle overcast

where sunshine beamed down on lucky spots of that

beautiful city

i sat on the bow of that ship

in that freezing air

to try to feel alive again

it just numbed my face

and blued my synapses

seattle, wa

thursday

• last person to get to pali like a pro, ran from car to band room to bus in matter of five seconds
• fresh frozen bbq chicken pizza = good bus aromas
• lax: expensive bottled water, burger king fat, tater tots
• rxn predict. on the flight, taking advantage of sitting next to nicky lue the chem genius
• touchdown in seatac, love the rain
• get to hotel, hungry
• dale/jaycros/i go on walk to supposed jack in the box "only four blocks away to the right" in pouring rain and wind and zooming cars
• no jack in the box, granola bar lunch from gas station
• turns out the jack in the box is to the left, by a lot more than four blocks (figured this out saturday afternoon)
• bus to space needle
• top: so pretty. chippy cold. wind. felt good. george kept holding his phone over edge, thinking about it makes me nervous.
• had a sourdough bowl of steamy clam chowder, sooo good.
• sun comes out over puget, prettiest thing i've seen
• bus to bucco di beppo
• copious laughter, great food, better friends, happy evening
• back to hotel, chill for a bit
• hot tub to digest exploding stomach
• hang in 406
• alex playing pokemon
• nearly overflow bathtub

friday

• breakfast buffet downstairs, bacon. so. much. bacon.
• bus to pike's
• pike = so much happy
• friendliest seattle-ites, chatted with one guy who made handmade journals (got one for myself, buffalo hide and handmade paper)
• also talked with acrylic artist about california's beautiful coast and how she does such incredible brushwork (emily's bday present!)
• samples of the best goat cheese/beef jerky/raw honey/chocolate truffle cherries/etc./etc.
• got a volcanic ash sculpture of turtles for my mom
• chewed and put gum (v.l.) on infamous gum wall
• killer mac n' cheese and mexican coke from food truck two blocks up
• chai latte from original starbucks with jaycros
• bought indie wool white cap, comfiest thing ever
• walking around aimlessly to burn time, still great times
• festival!
• entire band turning boys restroom into our mancave away from home for concert black changing
• great performance (couldn't help smiling in so many moments, especially the first low brass theme of chaconne in warmup)
• danny did incredible on the chaconne horn solo! hit that high g and i wanted to hug him right there and then on stage
• funny photo = serg from flask
• bus to mall for grub
• bj's with bret/mitchel/tara(fur)
• funny waiter, with tara asking him his preference on lakers..ahh i love her
• hotel again, don't actually remember where i spent this evening. all i know it was with good friends and i had a good time. very good times.
• fell asleep to writing a birthday note, slept with smile on face

saturday

• more breakfast buffet, mmm
• underground tour, dave is a funny man. "seattle was a town funded off sins: drinking, gambling, and sewing"
• exploring the area with jaycros and emily and melony
• go up to the top of a tower, incredible view
• room inside, "china room" had beautiful chinese antiques. just beautiful. hidden gem of seattle right there.
• open cart elevator and looking down into the elevator shaft, holy balls.
• philly cheesesteak place with aforementioned trio and dale/lizzie
• philly cheesesteak with whiz/onions/sweet peppers/fried peppers = satisfied victor
• walked down to waterfront, get freaked out by curiosity shop
• toy store! lost my group but taught ollie/warfel blockus, played a game with them and daniel (won by a piece!) fun stuff
• starbucks with tara (then like, half the band)
• watched a great chessmatch between young and old, stern faces broken by a smile when they came down to a pawn and king vs. a king. made me so happy
• bus back to hotel, spend the afternoon with tara watching espn then alex c./christina briefly
• ferry to tillicum village, beautiful trip through the sound, couldn't stop looking down at the ship breaking through the water and the damn beauty of everything.
• had a moment where it felt like '10 again. wanted to speak, could barely. but the few words sufficed. my mind was racing too much to be trusted then.
• landed, had incredible dinner (freshly roasted salmon, sooo good.)
• seconds. mmm.
• the tribe's presentation
• wren! be the wren. always gonna be that wren.
• ferry back
• blistering cold wind
• nighttime skyline of seattle, beaut
• sat out in the front almost the entire time despite the cold. wanted to feel alive again. only half accomplished. (blue nose, blue soul)
• sleep on bus back, midnight room check, one after turn in (sean is a hilariously bizarre kid after midnight)

sunday

• pack up, spend morning in 406, fun times
• quick breakfast, bus to airport
• pepperoni tomazzo, mmm.
• ciao, seattle
• funny moment of intense drooling as we were taxiing outta seattle. should've been embarrassed but i couldn't stop laughing
• ap chem princeton review crambook, calm nerves with ridiculous curve on the test
• touch down in city of angels
• try to comfort tara about lakers, fall asleep (i suck)
• but so tired.
• mr. noodle's chicken pad thai with chili oil and thai iced tea (the usual) for early dinner
• washup, reuinte with neighborhood boys for first time in months, perfect end to weekend.

all was a blur, all was so happy, all was unforgettable.

pali band, seattle wa, april '11

"do you know if islands get smaller?"

water into kool-aid

maybe.