i'm crying

those days,

i grew up enthralled by the rhymed chimes of

barney and the like,

falling asleep to tom and jerry under the

enveloping folds of that worn, sunshine-yellow quilt

but those nights

i nestled my head between the firm, rough green cloth of

that discounted throw pillow and the corner of the loveseat because

my parents were watching that chinese drama program

just to drown out and prevent me from separating what were the

fortissimo yells of my only family and the

material, cash-driven acting on the tv

i used to be so into graphic design and computer sciences but then it just..went away. i don't know how or why, but i really hope i don't follow that trend with music. mom says i will but i hope i won't. i can't see myself loving anything else as much. i hope i haven't fallen into the volatile youth.

frequently guilty

i know there's a million of these out there (and a million minus four that i post) but there's something about the perpetual motor of these metropolises that i can't get enough of.

'beginners'

"I feel like kids are the perfect psychic investigators of their parents, and kids understand their parents' unconscious better than the parents ever do. On the surface, it all looked good, and underneath, there was this impossible-to-describe loneliness."

ansel adams

ralphs' grocery store, westwood

that roarin' twenties feeling

butterfly effect dreams

the weather today was beautiful with those tiered clouds and i've transcended fatigue and i felt like caesar walking through the empty halls after three sat ii's and relaxing up at gelson's, treating myself to a formidable lunch while people-watching homogenized palisadians and i felt pretty alright being alone, even though my brain is split and my heart doesn't care anymore but all that matters is that the evening was the perfect combination of spring chill and summer night warmth and i'm laughing freely again.

"you know, i think there's a cycle that people go through. you get your heart broken and then you break someone else's, or vice versa"

chilly clavicles and smooth stucco