holidaytime

so here i
am.

i would call it
a broken home
if i could ever call it home in the first place
(which i'm still unsure)

i got my master bedroom
in the domain where i only can master
subduing despondency

maybe he just catalyzes
such smothering
eclipsing a sun and
not letting go

restraining with denial
i don't forget
(to think that anyone would, ha.)

the leaves are warming now
burnt texan orange and
maple red

i guess this means holidays
christmas lights
and red starbucks cups
maybe a little eggnog and
mistletoe here and there.

holidays are nice
with loved ones
happiness.

and to spend them here
holiday spirit isn't allowed to live
i'm glad i get to spend half my time out of here
or else my soul would just be
an empty shell, just like yours.

remember that one christmas?
of course you don't.

food matters most to me
not in a material way
but in the everythingelseinlifesucksbutyourestillthere
way.

christmas dinner
i was young.

there's a nice array
bountiful spread of rich foods
from the far east and the close west
and you and whoever she was
got to chowdown
be full
be merry

and i didn't know any better
but all i got was some instant ramen

a childhood christmas.